Excuses, excuses.

I am constantly writing blog updates…in my head. Much like the art I am constantly making..in my head. One of the largest obstacles I face in life is that I overthink everything, I worry about all the ways it will be wrong. It is daunting to overcome this habit.
Things I worry about are my grammar, coming off as too whiney, and just plain having nothing interesting to share. Those are just the blog worries. The art concerns are even more numerous.
I am going to list them, then spend a couple hours just making art, voices in my head be damned!
I will start with the most obvious one, that I have no talent. Followed closely by, what’s the point…as in..who am I making this art for? Me? Others? Also, back in art school my muse was anger. I was angry about a lot of things…mostly an unrequited love that consumed my every thought. So I had a lot if material. Now…I am still angry about things, but what I am angry about is not something want to share with the world, and would just hurt the person I have issues with which I am not prepared to do. Part of the problem is that I used to use art as therapy, a way to work out my issues. This was fine when I was 20 and on my own, but as a wife and mother my current issues might be taken too personally, and though they are not all associated with any specific person it might not be interpreted that way and cause pain.
I am not sure what inspires me. I am not political, that does not interest me. I do not have any deep insights into the world. I have body image issues, but does anyone even really care? I have to find my voice, but also find a way to believe that my voice is important. Even if my voice just wants to paint cartoony houses, or to slap glitter on everything. So I guess I should go off now to slap some glitter on a cartoony house…just to get the ball rolling.

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3 Comments

  1. Catherine Esposito said,

    January 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    I think you have a lot to say both in writing and through your art. I know I don’t have to tell you that you’re over-thinking it. Just do the work for YOU. You need to come visit me at work. 1) there’s a new show that was just installed — very cool. All different mediums 2) you can visit our green arts studio where kids come in and just make “stuff.” No rhyme or reason — sometimes they’re aiming to depict something specific. Sometimes they just glue ribbons and glitter to an old water bottle and make it pretty. The blog I’ve been writing in my own head is about how as adults we lose (through self-censorship, I believe) a lot of our childhood sponaneity. I love my job because I love watching kids just “be.” Yes, there are reasons to “edit” our words and actions so as not to be troublesome to others — but that’s why art is so cool! It’s your own expression of your feelings and spirit and you don’t have to mind your manners!!!

  2. January 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

    You don’t need a reason to make something, overthinking the why will always get in the way of the doing. When you are worried about what to make about, it indicates to me that you are too worried about what people will think and too hung up on what art “should be.” I was in this position a few years ago, I was so worried about making art with a capital “A” that I wasn’t making anything at all. Eventually I devised a series or rules for myself to help break through my artists block: I had to make something approximately postcard size everyday for thirty days, I was not allowed to critique myself or show them to anyone during this time. After the thirty days were over, I allowed myself to look at all the pieces with a critical eye, yeah most of them were crap, but a few interesting things had started to come out of the work and I was able to use that as a spring board to make some pretty awesome stuff later.

  3. January 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Thanks so much for the feedback guys! It really helps to know that others are/were in the same boat.
    Heather, I am totally going to try your idea!


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