My knee hurts.

Total waste of time going into work today. Ooops…not a total waste. I got some figs, and they were delicious!
It is almost impossible to do work when there are too many opinionated people at odds with how the job is to be done. It was really annoying, and I almost left, but luckily I had actually one colleague that helped me through my need to sigh audibly every time I was told not to do something. I am just not built to handle bullies in a diplomatic manner.
I am not going to give that anymore of my time. I am actually pretty excited about the fact that I have tentatively booked my son’s birthday party. Big deal? Yes, it is a big deal. So far we have always had the parties at our house, this will be the first one not at home. YAY! No clean up!!!!!!!!!!! Not cooking!!!!!!! YAY! Just incase you were concerned, fear not, it is not at Chuck E Cheese.
I am sitting here with my child, as he does his homework. I hate homework. I think I even hate it more than I hated it when I was the one doing it. He is being really annoying. I am a horrible mother. I just want him to shut up and do his homework…is that so wrong? I just hope he does not ask for my help. I hate when he asks and I get confused by the instructions, and cannot help my second grader with his stupid homework. Bah!
That is all I have to write for the time being. I think this venture into blogging is to justify that I made my husband buy me a wireless keyboard for my birthday last year. Look at me…type…type…type~ totally awesome gift 🙂

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Back to blogging?

I am pretty sure that I have lost any readers that I might have had. That is not surprising since I last updated this blog in February of this year.
Part of the problem is that I do not have a direction in which I think this blog should go. I am an artist. I am a stay at home mom. I work at a Museum on the weekends. I have a husband, and a child. I live in a country that I was not born and raised in. I am short. I recently lost 20ish pounds. Does any of this make me interesting? No.
I want to talk about my life and people in it, because I have some pretty damn good stories, but I also want to talk about and share my art. That is hard to do when you spend most of your time napping so that I don’t have to deal with actually doing things.
So, in an attempt to take charge of the direction in which I want the next phase of my life to go I will attempt to blog more regularly, a promise I have made numerous times before….but I am going to stick to it this time damn it!!!

This is the first day of I have had in over a week. I work as a docent at a local museum, and I love my job. I do get frustrated with some parts of the job, since it is a not for profit we are not exactly swimming with money to make the museum as awesome as it could be. I have dreams of winning a giant lottery jackpot and kindly bestowing upon them a huge freaking amout of money. I would of course have a wing or a gallery named after me. I would also commission a giant oil painting of me in a mediaeval gown riding a unicorn. Not joking. That is really what I would do.
This is also the first time I have not had serious compatibility issues with my boss. She intimidates the hell out of me, but I really like her and she is funny! That is hard to find. I earn squat. I am clearly not in it for the money. I get to go to art openings, and meet lots of awesome people. My job is technically working with children, and I even like that part! It has always been the parents that are the hard part. Still love it though.
That being said, I really did not want to have to go in extra this week, but they need me…so what’s a girl to do? I don’t want to work weekends the rest of my life. I really, really, miss hanging out with the family on those days. It is also crazy how much fun stuff happens on the weekends that I constantly have to miss. Although, I love the extra money that this brings in. This way I do not feel so guilty supporting my art supply habit.

I hate shoveling

Such a negative title! In fact I do not actually hate shoveling. I hate being out of shape, and nearly having a heart attack while shoveling. I also hate when I throw out my back in the final seconds of finishing the driveway. Bah.
I am also quite happy about the snow for the child. He finally gets to go play in snow after months, and months, and months of waiting. There really is such a small window of opportunity for children to experience the joy of winter before it becomes a chore.
I am boring myself with this post, but in my defense I am being talked to constantly by a seven year old who wants me to play cook with his play food. sigh.

i am not sure blogging is for me. I cannot find my voice, I talk about my life more than my art…but maybe that is because all I do is try to tidy and organize my art space so that I can actually work there. I have way too much stuff. There is no where to work since all available areas are covered with stuff. I think the other issue is that I am below ground making art. There is no natural light, and the only light available is directly overhead, which really sucks. Excuses, excuses, but I just cannot bring myself to go into the basement and create. When I had the boy’s room it was wonderful. I had windows that gave me glorious light, and I could even open them in the right weather. I had a door for privacy, and my own sense of space. I realize that I should be able to create anywhere if I really want to make art, but giving up that space was really, really hard.

With my new job I have renewed inspiration. The museum has some really amazing art, and the tiny gift shop is also filled with beautiful handmade things made by local artist. I want to be that local artist. In my head I am. I just need to keep producing, and tell my inner critic to shut the fuck up. The voices in my head are quite loud and very mean. I have listened to them far too much over the course of my life. I am not getting any younger, and that does not mean that I have no opportunities left, which is how I tend to feel. I have wasted many, many years dreaming and not doing. Dreams get you nowhere if you are not prepared to work for them to come true.

off to work!

Lazy with a Capital “L”

So, why have I not been posting? Several reasons, but the most relevant one is that I am lazy. I was logged out of wordpress, and I could not remember my password, or login info. I was way too lazy to pursue that any further. Sad. I kept trying different passwords, then they would lock me out for too many attempts. Bah!
New year, new goals. Turns out I only had to have them email me the reset your password link.
This is turning out to be an exciting year. I am newly employed. Did not see that coming. So, far I am enjoying it. I am working as a docent at a Museum. I really like the other people that work there, so that is a good start. It is really busy which helps the day fly by.
I joined Weight Watchers. There I said it. I was/am still embarrassed that I could not lose weight on my own, but something had to be done. I was not going to buy new fat pants anymore! I have good and bad weeks, but so far I have lost 13 pounds which I am very proud of. I still have quite a bit to lose, but for the first time in a long time I believe I can do it!
I have to go pick up the child from school now. It is very, very cold out and I do not feel like leaving the house, but I must.
Goal # 358: Blog more often 🙂

Dirty Hippy

I hate the dentist…but don’t tell my son. I also hated school, but I am keeping mum on that one as well. Now that he is learning to read I have to type fast and pray to the Universe that he does not try to read this. It’s not like I just told him there is no Santa….SHIT!!!!! just kidding.
Luckily I am on the shit list with him right now, so there will be no mother son bonding right now. I denied him an after school playdate. Suck it kid.
I am on my second week of freedom, and it all seems to be doctors appointments. Of course that could be because I showed up to my dentist appoint a day early..so it ruined two days. Enough whining.
I am getting excited about the classes I am taking next week. The first class is learning to Tie Dye. It is supposed to be beyond the basics, the second is called lamp-working and it is making glass beads by heating up glass rods with tiny blow torches and melting the glass. I have always wanted to learn that. This is where the guilt creeps in. That is the day that C’s school has it’s Back To School night. It promises to be a magical evening in which all school secrets will be revealed. The teacher will lay out her plan for the year, the PTO will be getting it’s fundraising on, and if you truly care about your child and their future at this school you will attend. The problem with this is that we are a one car family, and I will be off making glass beads. In my heart I know that this is just a waste of time going to the school for Back To School night, but I am feeling so guilty for choosing my plans over his. I never choose my plans over his, why? Not sure…maybe because I know that I usually have to force myself to do that stuff anyways. I hate school functions. So I repeat…Suck it kid.

41 year old me.

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Happy Birthday to Me!

I am celebrating 41 years on this earth today. I am grateful for every one of them. I have such wonderful family and friends. Thanks to all of you for making my world as awesome as it is.
I treat my birthday like New Years Eve, full of resolutions for the next year. It is like a fresh start. My list usually remains the same, since old habits are so hard to break, and new ones so hard to form. I will not give up! Maybe this will be the magical year in which I finally follow through. You never know. I might actually be older and wiser this year…snicker, snicker.
Goal one. update blog on a regular basis…or I might lose the three people that actually read it 🙂

Melanie Testa

I have been a fan of Melanie Testa for a long time. I actually got to meet her a few years ago in NYC. She was part of a talk on journaling, with two other artists. I find her, and her work very inspirational. I even emailed her after the talk and she offered to meet up with me in the city and we could journal together. I doubt she remembers that because shortly after that she was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully she has beaten it…yay!
I am currently taking an online stencil class with her, and am hoping to win a journaling class. So cross your fingers for me!

Great Friday

I am so excited, my waxed linen thread arrives today and I can finish making my book! I am attempting to create my own version of a handmade journal made by Teesha Moore

Her journal work is amazing, and through YouTube she offers tutorials on making these soft cover journals. So I have been sewing in my spare time, and the awesome part is that the panels are pocket size and you can bring them and work on them while you are waiting for whatever.

Also this project allows me to finally use all the fabric I hoard, and to embroider, which I love doing. The hard part will be when I have to actually paint in the journal..the first page is the hardest. I have put a call out to my friends for old magazines to help me with the collage part of the journal. I am so totally psyched!

I am determined to follow a daily schedule, and really accomplish more, or anything, in a day. This is going to include a daily constitutional. I need to lose about 30 lbs. I figure that will help with me being tired all of the time. I did it once…I can do it again. I quit the gym, because I never ever go. I hate gyms, I feel like such a loser there…so I plan on walking this weight off. I refuse to ever buy a larger size of clothing!

Back to the journals…here are some photos of work in progress.

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Baseball season

The husband is watching baseball, so I have no choice but to update my blog. That or gouge my eyes out with a spoon.
I pick blog! Child is pretending to be Pokemon master, so he not currently desperate for my attention, whew.
I have been busy making things. Woo hoo!
Dang…spoke to soon…seriously,wtf? I am so tired, and now cranky. Child is now in bed, and husband and I have spent the last fifteen minutes arguing about nothing. Bah.
Will update tomorrow when I am in a better child free/husband free mood. Love them both, but total time vampires sometimes.

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